How to Recognize Verbal Abuse - The Top 10 Signs of Abuse
Posted: Thursday, September 10, 2009
by Kathi Calahan
Godseer & American Love Psychic
It's mean, it's cruel and it's inexcusable.
Verbal abuse, or mental abuse, is passed on like a life-threatening disease throughout the family. We choose mates, places of employment and friends based upon family patterns of familiarity. No one ever intends to become verbally abusive, but it happens more often than we care to admit.
If you are a perfectionist, you may have been a victim of verbal abuse.
If you make excuses for your abuser, you're definitely the victim of verbal abuse.
Domestic abuse is generational. It falls under the categories of spousal abuse, child abuse and elder abuse. If you've been verbally abused, you're likely to abuse others. If you're emotionally involved with an abuser, chances are excellent he or she was abused.
But that's no excuse to neglect the obvious and continue this self esteem crushing cycle. The abuse must stop now and you must initiate it. Once you identify the various forms of verbal abuse, you can then put a stop to them.
Here are the top 10 of 33 red flags that can be your wake up call to stop participating in verbal abuse.
Yelling - The conversation hurts your ears, you're closing windows and doors so the neighbors won't overhear.
Name Calling - These are ugly, ugly words and degrading to the person hearing them. Stupid, fat, ugly, trailer trash, idiot, all racial slurs, clumsy, pie hole, bean pole, forgetful, crazy, insane, black sheep, dork, freak, bitch, bastard, pig, queer, redneck, bum, lazy, coward, baby, nasty, stingy, etc.
Criticizing - You didn't.. couldn't... shouldn't... should have... could have... never... must... it would be better if... you should be more like...
Shaming - Shame on you. Why would you do that? You are so bad. You should be ashamed of yourself. You were a mistake. You've ruined my life.
Swearing - People swear as an outlet for very strong emotions like frustration, injury, anger or fear, but it scares the person on the receiving end.
Threatening - If you don't...I will. I'm going to ... Brandishing a weapon at you. Stalking. Making intimidating facial expressions at you, walking toward you in a menacing way.
Blaming - It's your fault. You did it. You caused it. He started it. She caused it. It wasn't my fault. You made me... Because of you... You gave me no choice. My disease made me do it. She was just a bad wife to begin with.
Refuses to discuss things that upset you - I don't want to talk about it... right now... ever. Go away. Not again. Oh my God. Stop your whining. Ask someone who cares.
Disrespectful - Says you don't know what you're talking about. Won't introduce you to others. Ignores you at functions. Makes noises or rolls eyes when you are speaking.
Ridicule - Acts of contempt. Wah, wah, wah, you are such a baby. What an idiot. That's what you get for thinking. That's just ridiculous.
Verbal abuse permeates the lives of everyone it touches. It's impossible, without help, to have a healthy family, love life, working relationship with co-workers or ongoing friendship with neighbors if verbal abuse is at the heart of the relationship.
For immediate abuse help call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233. This abuse hotline is open 24 hours a day and available in all 50 states of the U.S.A. They receive more than 21,000 calls per month from victims, survivors, friends, family members and law enforcement. Hotline advocates provide support and help with crisis intervention, safety planning, information about domestic violence and referrals to local service providers.
It's time to stop the family dysfunction and the first step begins with you. Abuse help is available today.
Professional Psychic & Certified Behavioral Therapist, Kathi Calahan, helps lovers save their relationships by identifying the underlying problem and providing workable solutions. Even if they're thinking of throwing in the towel. Her free newsletter American Love Psychic - How to Grow Old Together is available at www.AmericanLovePsychic.com
For a complete list of verbal abuse red flags, go to http://www.americanlovepsychic.com/index_files/VerbalAbuse.htm
keywords:
verbal abuse, verbally abusive, abuse, domestic abuse, mental abuse, neglect and abuse, signs of abuse, abuse help, spousal abuse, abuse hotline, Kathi Calahan, child abuse, elder abuse
This Article has been viewed 19,422 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Thanks for the article - very informative. In my experience this sort of thing is caused by wives either disobeying their husbands or worse not engaging in marital relations. Obviously the solution is for husbands to give their wives an education in proper marital conduct.Please log in to respond to this comment.Verbal abuse in a family is primarily a spousal thing, in regard to where the responsibility lies, and is not restricted to a particular gender. Children observe it in their parent[s] and the cycle of disrespect is then perpetuated to another generation. Ask me how I know.
I'm not ashamed to say that my wife and I have been through marital and family counseling; equipped with new wisdom, resolve, and with the grace and love of God, we have emerged stronger and more cohesive as a family unit.
Friend, I feel where you're coming from, because I've thought it myself and been there. My wife and I aren't perfect people, furthermore we both share the blame for communication failures, childish fits, and verbal and physical acting out. Couples engaged in these behaviors have to individually step back, take stock of what's really important about the relationship, and seek professional intervention from a neutral qualified counselor before they self-destruct and further damage those around them.
Addressing the root causes of issues will go much further than continuing to live in denial about behaviors. You'll also find that your spouse will be more receptive to sexual intimacy once they are secure in knowing you really love them in other areas of their lives. They feel cheapened by the interaction if integrity is lacking elsewhere in the relationship, and continuing like this opens you up to sexual temptation outside of this relationship, whether that be pornography, a friend's wife, or the sympathetic ear back at the office.
Author Gary Smalley believes there are five 'love languages' we need to know about, and our primary and secondary love language may/may not correlate with our partners', so we need to recognize the disconnect, and work on understanding what they are needing, and what we need to work at harder.
I recommend to you the Love and Respect seminar for married couples, conducted by Dr. Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs. Do a web search for 'love and respect' and check out their website for more information. My wife and I attended their video conference at our church, and it was well-worth the modest registration fee.
All the best to you and yours.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Hi Kathi,Thank you for your very informative and well-written article. People do need to be made more aware of what 'verbal abuse' actually is, and the damage it causes. Education in these problems of communication will go a long way towards reducing the abismal attitudes towards other human beings, as expressed by 'Anonymous' in the appalling comment posted up prior to mine.All the best Kathi. Keep up the great work.Regards,SheenaPlease log in to respond to this comment.Thanks for the feedback Sheena. As you can see by my non reply to the above, that anonymous comment just couldn't be taken seriously. Don't let him or her get to you. They're just trying to get a rise out of anyone. Hope all is well in Australia and thanks again for the comment. Have a good week. KathiPlease log in to respond to this comment.
Very good stuff...insightful and educational. Makes me think of how many of my friends and/or family may be victims.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Like this one. No one should be abused.Please log in to respond to this comment.
Yes it has. I am in a verbal abusive relationship and I am done with it just have to figure out how to get him out of my house. It causes negative reactions out of children and it is not fair to them. So I am going to step up and get out, because it is not worth the hassel.Please log in to respond to this comment.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.